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Sir Les Flatulence State of the Union Speech

5 minute read

My fellow real estate agents! It recently came to my attention that I had not penned a piece in a while, so I thought I would give you some of my inspirational thoughts on the happenings of the past 6 or so months. I am going to venture a little wide of real estate, only because my portable TV screen has muesli all over it from my constant screaming whilst eating breakfast and watching idiots ruining my day. For those of you who worry that I am becoming ‘new age’ with Muesli, let me assure you I am not, however my local GP thinks that Port is not a good way to start the day!

Politics

Kevin ‘Stone the Crows’ Rudd has proved just how easy it is to get fired these days. I thought he was doing a ‘heck’ of a job and was never given a ‘fair shake of the sauce bottle’. Julia Gillard could have at least waited until another 400 studies were completed, or after he formed at least another 300 working groups. At least now he can eat his earwax in peace!

So now we have Tony Abbott who is trying to prove his worth to the women of Australia and a woman who is trying to prove that she is a woman to the men of Australia.

Billy Connolly said it best. “The drive to ever want to become a politician, should ban you for life from ever being one”.

Real Estate Market

The market is picking up out here. We sold a property the other day, which gives us 100% growth over the past month, people just don’t want to ‘invest’ in salty dust farms anymore, the kids of today!

To be honest, it isn’t that bad, we have quite a few young guns out this way doing all that organic stuff. You know what I mean, cage a chicken for 6 months then take it outside for a day, let it run around and slit its throat, you know, organic!

Marketing

So, Simon Baker has a new business. Isn’t he the guy who ‘rescued’ realestate.com.au when they were so down and out and living on lentils and dust? Then built them into the greatest company ever worth billions and trillions before leaving them to sell everything he had built? Now he wants me to list my properties for sale on global websites to open them up to potential international buyers?

Technology

iPhones, iPads, iMonkeys? It’s all junk to avoid having real conversations with other human beings. I have a process, a person calls me with interest in a property. I show them the property, I invite them for dinner (it’s not a short drive here) and they don’t leave until they sign. Once they move in, they are a friend for life – whether they like it or not! You see, all of my business comes from people’s mouths, go and see Les, you gotta talk to Les! That’s connecting folks!

Celebrities

So Peter sends me a list of things I could possibly talk about. For one I have never heard of Lindsay Lohan and could not give a #@$! about her. Mel Gibson I know, he seemed like a decent fella, so he is involved in this #$@%storm with some girl (I didn’t even know he split from his wife, who seemed like the type of woman you would never split from)

Here is how I see it. Private conversations, private discussions, private arguments are private. My interest ends there. If he breaks the law she should go to the police and if he has done something wrong he gets to go to jail or get’s a slap, it’s that simple folks.

Now, the only time I show interest if the person who is involved in these things makes themselves to publicly be something they are not (read politicians etc).

One person I do know about is Tiger Woods. Now this guy plays golf, I never heard him stand up and say “I am the greatest husband or father and you should watch me play golf”. Or that “marriage is sacred, watch me play golf!”. He plays golf, gets a lot of money to do it, but that’s all he really does. As long as he is not breaking the law, my interest ends there!

Now I have spent far too much time being serious and now I am ^$&^$### off!

Television

There is nothing to watch, seriously, everything makes me angry, aside from breakfast shows and a little sports and news, it’s completely useless. I would rather sit on my porch with my dog and a single malt than listen to most of the crap on TV. Useless!

Religion

Now I am a good catholic boy and one thing I know as a good catholic boy is that you never talk about religion to people you don’t know – period!

Economy

Yeah it sucks a little, everything costs more and people just seem to live to work these days. My advice. Do your time in the city, earn a penny or two and then come and watch sunsets in the country, you will never regret it.

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2 Comments

  • Davy Jones
    Posted August 13, 2010 at 10:03 pm 0Likes

    Funny as usual Sir Les, worth the wait.

  • francine@property for sale
    Posted August 25, 2010 at 3:14 pm 0Likes

    Most of the people invest on real estate property where they can have possible ROI.

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